After an agonizing couple of days, I made the decision to put my little Chihauhau pal down yesterday morning. He was the best dog I've had the pleasure of sharing life with. I am grateful for the almost 10 years we had him.
I'm exhausted, but feel better now, after having made the decision and being without him.........than having him home and failing so quickly. What a week.
Being an animal lover, I can't imagine my life without a dog, so I'm waiting for the day I will get a new pal. Have to wait to see if we're moving first...wouldn't be fair to a dog to move here.....then move again.
So, I'm in that horrid state of thinking I hear my dog, or sense that he is around; all the while knowing he is no more. Only an animal lover who has lost a pet will understand this. I haven't been without a pet for hmmmm....25 years maybe?? I am pretty sure I haven't sat down here at home with out my dog on my lap for the last 10 years! I either need to not sit down or quickly get another dog!
Week end young man is here; fortunately he hasn't mentioned there being no dog here. I'm not sure I could hold that conversation if he did bring it up. Still a mess emotionally ......just pretty good at holding it together.
Sent moms tenants notices we were putting the property up for sale. Promised to honor leases and provide excellent referances. Commercial property will be listed as of Monday. Moving along on our plan to off load the real estate.
Archive for October, 2007
After an agonizing couple of days, I made the decision to put my little Chihauhau pal down yesterday morning. He was the best dog I've had the pleasure of sharing life with. I am grateful for the almost 10 years we had him.
Tonight had to be my most frustrating class I've ever had to teach. Beginning knitting is no piece of cake sometimes.....and tonight was a class of 7 beginners, one being a pre teen, and one being a left handed knitter.....so the cards were stacked against me.
Then, just about 15 minutes into the class, the entire room went black. A quick check in the hall and all the lights were on out there (this is held in an OLD grade school, 3 floors, halls, stairs, etc) Everything seemed ON except my room. Headed to the hall to start down to the office to find out what the problem was.......and there was Light! So, back to teaching. And, again they went off, about 10 minutes later.
Second time, I did head to the office (3 floors down) only to find that the little office lady knew all about it, said she couldn't do a thing.....guess what? The lights are set up with sensors, she told me we had to "keep moving" in order to tell the lights to stay on. Gads, knitting as an aerobic exercise!
Two hours of this! The lights must have gone out at least a dozen times. There was nothing I could repeat to get them to come back on. Very random pattern it was. I've sent the Knitting for the Blind email to the recreation director already......as I'm not repeating this next week.
Old Chihauhau Update: He is still alive..but barely. Not the same dog at all. No tail wag, no kisses. Very sad. He is pushing 10 years old....and has wiggled his way into my heart about 9.5 years ago....so this is awful. I'm not sure I'm up to letting him die here at home. I thought I was, as he isn't in any pain that I can tell. But, watching him slowly fade away is killing me. Which is worse? And, at this point......money isn't even factored in here. I can't think of many instances where money/cost/spending isn't at the forefront of my decisions. Not on this one. Will spend another night thinking of nothing but this decision I'm sure!
It's becoming my day to day ritual. Deal with the details.......and then deal with more details.
I'm getting nothing accomplished, other than crossing off another day on the calendar.
Took mom to a 3 hour Dr appointment today, stayed there, as it was a stress test & she was more than stressed about this. Had to sign a statement saying she understood the ramifications included possible death..... and then, she shared later........the song on the headphones when she went into the machine thingy for the last round of pictures was.....Amazing Grace! It was nice to see her have a chuckle about that.
My aunt stayed today, so someone was here with the dog. She left for home as soon as I got back. The dog is truly not himself. Today was worse than yesterday. Now, not eating. I just think his timing is poopy. Not that there would be a good time for him to take his last breath, but I guess I'm feeling like I can't pay him as much attention as I'd like. And, I've realized with all the pets I've had, none of them stretched out their swan song. All of them were sudden. Which isn't great either......but, I can sure feel the drain this time.
A few more inquiries re; properties for sale, but no offers I've accepted yet. Listing one of moms on Friday. It's commercial property, so I'm thinking it might be our best shot to sell something sooner rather than later.
Packed all my things for my knitting class tomorrow night. Supplies arrived by UPS yesterday, just in time. Handouts ready, samples as ready as they are going to be......and mom will stay home with the dog. Not the best set up, but the only one I can think of.
Little dog........big heart; was what the vet said. No idea when this happened, last visit was normal, although I don't remember an X ray of his heart either. Ever I guess.
Surprisingly, he gobbled up his first dose of meds this AM, in his breakfast of leftover chicken and broth. I wouldn't have bet on it for a minute.
With the initial 24 hours under our belt, I'm relaxing a bit..... The vets call was the meds were necessary if he was going to be able to breathe.....but might be enough of a shock to stop him from breathing. So far, so good. Watching him closely to say the least.
Crossing my fingers he takes his night time meds well. Thanks for all the tips re; dogs & pills. I will try them if he gets wise to the plan here! He's never been a dog for treats, so it could get to be a challenge.
Gathered another car load of boxes today and actually got some packed. Set the twins up with moms cook book collection.....sorting what goes with us and what gets set on the porch for freecycle. We now have 5 BIG boxes of cook books that are going to the beach with us! Not sure where they will fit.....but mom is determined. She did weed out quite a few, as the porch is also full.
Who would have guessed? The chihauhau now has exactly the same symptoms as my mom had.......so I dashed him off to the nearest vet this afternoon. (to the tune of $190.07....not even ER rates!)
He has the doggie version of Congestive Heart Failure. It was tough to watch with mom, and this was no easier!
Started on meds at the vets office, and came home with 2 prescriptions I have to figure out how to get down his teensy little mouth/throat starting tomorrow.
Pondering the old adage "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" this evening........and wondering just what the limit is here???
My aunt, who is still here........paid for the vet after she found out how much it cost. She said she was thinking of paying me anyway, for all the care she has been getting here since she fell a couple weeks ago. She has also fell in love with the dog, so felt like it was something she could do.
If this little guy wasn't spoiled enough before this episode.........now he will get to do anything he wants, whenever he wants!
The days are running together and it seems I'm getting as forgetful as my mom & her twin.
Both of the twins are doing great. Moms meds were doubled, as she is just soooo tired still, we're trying to pump her up with all the extra energy we can. The other one is practicing driving a little bit each day now, so she feels confidant in driving back to her place (2.5 hours away)
I've started begging for boxes again on Freecycle, as we can't continue working here without boxes. Picking up some today as well as Mon & Tues. Since I've loaned my van out, I'll have to work at getting them in a car.....I've had a van for decades & this will be different.
The twins are working on organizing my moms recipe collection which has made the house look like we've had a tornado inside. She has collected these for, oh....about 60 years or so. And, not many of them are in anything but a drawer. Lots and lots of drawers! They are almost done, using 3 ring binders........now I just need a load of those new boxes & I can pack these away.
Nephew person was here yesterday & took a pick up load of junk to the dump. Told him to do that frequently until I tell him to stop! That will help a ton if the junky stuff continues to be hauled out.
Freecyclers coming here at a rate of a couple a day; picking up things mom is ready to part with. She is getting a kick out of finding younger gals who want and will use some of her things. We're parceling out her cake decorating supplies and books this week. Since she used to teach; this is an extensive collection of stuff. She's even agreed to let her specialty baking pans find new homes, since neither of us can remember when she baked a cake in the shape of a lamb for instance!
The beach house is now listed as "pending" which looks good. The septic inspector was the last guy on site this week. Cleared up a ton of questions.......and we have a normal septic system, not a mound system that was mentioned on all the original paperwork. I'm in familiar territory now. No date for a move.......but it does look like we'll be in prior to the holidays if we just keep plugging away here.
One of my rentals is vacant....with the other being given a 3 day pay or vacate notice. Using the property mgmt firm on that one has been good, as I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done this on my own. Property near mine has still been selling, so I'm comfortable just listing them........also advertised them for rent, just in case someone came along that was too good to pass up. The horse property might be a good rental to keep, now that my son is helping with the day to day stuff that comes up. That piece is sure to be sub dividable within 5 years, maybe 3.
Time's up. Lunch to prepare for my "ladies". Meds to oversee.
The twins are both recovering .......getting to be more their old selves every day. Starting to joke around again!
Even tho I have dinner in the oven, they have decided it's out to dinner time here. They have called ahead and made sure their favorite is on special today, so we're doing the frugal route even if it is a restaurant. With all our senior cards, it should be a decent meal, a break for the "cook" here and a mini celebration they have turned the corner health wise!
The twins have taken on my moms giant lifetime recipe collection today......aiming to get it honed down to a couple 3 ring binders. We'll see how close they get to that goal. Mom has never really moved.....she re located to an apartment she owned but got to leave this house as is, since she rented it to her grandson. So, this move will be the first time things like this major stash of recipes has to be packed.
I finished listing the books of my dads today........at least the books that have been hauled upstairs. Can't see any others in the basement yet, I'm sure we'll uncover more when we dig a bit further. I've got over 800 listed at this point, and have been selling a few each week. I'm also keeping up with my reading......I set aside anything of dads that looks interesting to me to read before I list them. He had a wide selection of topics saved up & some are more than a little surprising! It's been a fun little 'visit' with my dad.
Our beach house is now listed as "pending" so it is looking more like a done deal. Still can't quite believe we're doing this.......it's going to be great, but it still doesn't feel real.
Off to baste the chickens that aren't going to be for dinner!
I'm struggling with the rule.....the very first and foremost rule my parents instilled in me. Don't talk about money or finances or investments to anyone!
I did OK when I wasn't living here, and I was doing OK all summer........but now, this week, not so good.
Mom is determined to keep all financial dealings to herself. It's OK if I know about them, it's just not OK to let her twin in on anything. Or 4 of the 5 grandsons. Or, any other relatives.
This means all the beach house dealings have to be done on the sly.....which paints a pretty funny picture. We can't do any of the listing of properties....zip. I can see this stopping the new house deal in it's tracks.
I'm also not enjoying the feeling I have to think before I even start to speak about anything. (definately not what I'm used to.....) If I can figure out a time I'll be with mom alone, I do need to talk to her about this, as it is going to make me more nuts than usual. Perhaps on the way to her Dr appt on Wed?
This same rule spills over to health issues........mom hasn't told a soul about her recent ER visit. Only told her twin because I complained about how hard it was going to be with both of them here.....didn't think I could keep up the sneaky little act bit.
An off shoot of this whole Rule bit is affecting another piece..... I had been writing to my dads brother monthly....for decades. Since I got here and all this new stuff started happening, I haven't written. A few short emails, that's it. There isn't anything "legal" to write about. Tons going on, and my uncle would enjoy hearing about it all........but mom is NOT going to tell him she is selling property, buying something new or about her recent health issues. Drat. Didn't really realize how much I had missed talking & writing to this gentleman until I have it down here in black & white.
Can't wait til Wed to see if I can make any headway with mom. Sometimes rules are made to be broken, right??
A couple months ago, I mentioned I had heard about a nasty financial situation involving my foster dtr & her husband. All of the poor decisions were his, he hid them from my gal.......which really sounded wrong, but unfortunately, all I had heard & more was the case.
Bad decisions, followed by more bad decisions and downright lying caused my gals van to get reposessed. She had told me this last week and it took me a couple days to realize I had an unused van sitting in my yard here.
They came today & made the switch. Returning the new vehicle they were using from the in laws and taking the old, but paid for, van of mine. I will add my gal to the insurance policy tomorrow, and she has this listed on hers too, so I believe we will be covered.
I did hold my tongue while they were here, couldn't converse freely, too many other people around here today. I know the visit was difficult for the young man, as well as my gal, it was hard to admit to the errors all round.
With luck, prayers and hard work, perhaps having a vehicle they didn't have to pay for right now will help. They have made many changes, I know this same situation won't come up again.......but, I fear something similar will be rearing it's head sooner or later. One doesn't make the types of decisions he did and just magically turn over a new leaf. At least....I haven't seen it often! Willing to admit I was wrong in this case.
Also shared/loaned much of my larger cooking type equipment with dtr person....she is cooking for many more than I right now, with much less of a budget. Large restaurant type kettles, juicer, canning goodies, and a dehydrator. All of those will help the food monies stretch and I don't need to store them.....can get them back from her if I have a windfall of fruit or something and happen to need a cherry pitter for example!
Will see how the van loan deal goes.......and then will "borrow" my van back for the move, if it truly happens. Then, I'm thinking of offering it to dtr person. It is old enough to not be worth much, but if they don't have one at all, it might be OK. Will see how the next 30 days play out.......
The day has gone by in a whoosh!
My aunt was picked up this AM, supposedly to go to her home for the week at least. Well, plans changed, she got there (2.5 hours drive) and watered plants, grabbed clean clothes & more meds and her son brought her right back here. Glad she feels comfy here at least, but I know my mom was hoping for a break.
The sun came out for the afternoon, so I dashed about the yard & made a little more headway on the fall tasks. Can't do much more, as the yard waste container is FULL already. Hate this thing.
Seemed like I cooked all day too.......and have a kettle of beans soaking tonight for chili tomorrow.
My week end young man tripped in his room this morning, and I thought it was my mom falling.......she had just gone in her room to take a nap! As I came sailing down the hallway, she poked her head out of her room and said "I bet you thought that was me?" Young man not hurt, he just tripped over all his stuff he insists on covering the floor with. Thought sure I had another fall to deal with!
No errands, no shopping, no going anywhere today. Nice. Did get a call from a tenant, he said he woke up during the night hearing noises in the attic or crawl space above his apartment. Tricky, since the building is a flat roofed affair with no attic. Hmmmm. Called the exterminator guy & gave him the job of contacting the tenant. Too much to do here to arrange that one. He thought he'd enjoy seeing an attic with the flat roof too!
Here I am doing the grocery shopping now for the household. I haven't done this for decades and I still don't like it.
I have no idea when this started, but I sure know it isn't my thing. Any kind of shopping. No danger of me over spending, that is for sure.
With both mom and my aunt needing to stay home and recuperate, I was elected to "run out" and pick up a few things. They had both seen a recipe & wanted that for dinner. Gads, I've never done that. I'm used to working with what is in the pantry/fridge & freezer.....
After all the errands and then the prep and cooking, their recipe isn't all that great. Satay Chicken with Spicy Peanut Sauce. I'd like to give it a go, now that I've got the ingredients, but use a recipe (or a combo of a couple) to get a dish that had a little more flavor. Not quite sure what happened to this, but it just didn't taste Thai to me, just more like chicken with peanut butter on it. Seemed like alot of work for the end result. Mom and my aunt were pleased however, so that is what counts.
Have my week end young man again tonight, so cooking a bit more than typical. My aunt gets picked up tomorrow AM & will be taken to her home, which is a few hours & a ferry ride away. My mom is going to breathe a sigh of relief........as I know it has been difficult for her to feel like resting up when we've had constant company in the house as well as staying overnight type company.
Already looking forward to Monday and having things quiet down here.
Finally came to a couple conclusions re; insurance.......both auto and home/rental.
The dates all came due at the same time, of course! and it's also the same week I've got a pretty full plate here at home. (the twins recuperating, the followup medical appointments for both, as well as the house & ongoing stuff for that)
I did pull my van insurance out and have it all by itself, as it was cheaper that way then adding the van to moms policy. I put myself on her policy as an added driver at no cost. I'll be adding one of my foster dtrs to my van as an added driver as she needs a loaner vehicle for an unknown period of time. I couldn't help her financially, but I was sitting here today thinking about her situation and there was my van, parked......with no need for it here. Duh. Sometimes I'm so slow to figure these things out.
I have to insure my belongings here at moms, with a renters policy, in order to buy the policies on my other 2 rental houses. Never ran across that before. But, it seems to be just too complicated for me to unravel any other option at this point. And, hopefully, all this will be changing within the year anyway, as we begin to sell of rentals and pare down to just one house between us.
Feels good to have made the decisions. Should have done it last week. But, nothing lapsed, no extra charges so all's well.
Some service from the cable company came today and picked up all my equipment I had at the old house. This clears me for my refund, which will be nice.
Have a cash offer on one of my building lots, thinking until Saturday on that......but leaning towards accepting it, although it was not quite what I was asking for it. But, cash talks, and we're not paying a realtor for this one, so it will be part of the down payment on the beach house this way.
Beach House news: We put together our list of things we'd like attended to, that stemmed from the inspection. Amounts to $10,000 of repairs & such.....biggest piece is the general contractor, just fixing little things, a plumber for a small leak, an electrician for a bit of an update on the electrical panel and a roofer to do a creative repair to a roof with discontinued roofing tiles. Hoping the seller does the work, but I'm thinking she might just discount the price and be done with it.
Dr appointment for mom was cancelled today, so we've got that on the list for tomorrow. Looking forward to getting some info on this congestive heart failure bit. I've read on line, and have things coming in the mail....but I'm still not quite sure if this is a new thing for my mom, or if it's been sort of creeping up....
Both the twins, my mom and my aunt are home tonight. Moms got congestive heart failure, and the other has a fractured tail bone and a concussion from her fall this week.
And, as if that weren't enough, we had a houseful of company here to visit with both of them........company for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Good for me cooking for a bunch is not a big deal.
Received the inspection report and bid to fix a few issues on the beach house. Will meet tomorrow & do what needs to be done to send this to the seller. Still looking at the first of Nov. to close. Unbelievable!
Did have to make a grocery store run, in between follow up Dr. appointments for the twins. Needed some different types of food here, as I'm just not used to the little dabs of things mom thinks will suffice. She has LOTS of food, just not much that goes together to make a regular meal, let alone 3 a day! I've got the plan figured out through tomorrows dinner; need to remember to dig through the freezer tomorrow before leaving for another round of Dr appointments. (I am getting a ton of knitting done while I'm waiting for all these appointments!)
I think this is the week I'll have to give notice re; my week end young man. I can see my life getting more than complicated and can't figure out how to fit him in 2X's a month. It's been fun to have the extra spending money, but after this week, it doesn't seem worth it.
I've got a long list of things to do........which I'm giving to my nephew tomorrow. Farming out some of this responsibility as quickly as I can. He will be here with the beach house paperwork, and I'm adding to his TO DO list considerably. He offered!
I'm more tired each day. Can't exactly figure out a way to stop doing anything I've currently got on my plate.
My aunt is still in our local hospital, but her son & dtr in law came too this morning, so have been here at the house......staying for dinner, in between visits to the hospital. Gads, was that a run on excuse for a sentence!
Kept mom home this evening, and have her in bed. The cousin & wife are going to a local hotel, which will be great. Didn't try to change his mind there.
Tomorrow, moms follow up for the breathing difficulty and last weeks ER visit for her.......and then to the hospital to see her twin.
Wed, moms cardiologist appt which stems from her ER visit too.....
Beyond that, I'm not too sure. But, I don't see anything on the current list that can be dropped off.....it all has to happen.
Did find out that LifeAlert has intercoms in addition to the other equipment. Might make some calls tomorrow to see if we can get that set up here at home. It would help me to get something here.......as I'm just barely sleeping, trying to always be listening to hear mom.
This is definately harder than having a houseful of special needs kids. But, I had help then, of all kinds. Not even sure what kind of help I could ask for right now......I will get the nephew to get the intercom system in here and set up; that I can pass along. The rest, I'll just cross one thing off at a time.
Managed to convince mom not to order pizza for tonight.....made soft tacos with leftover roasted chickens from the week end. Had all the trimmings from the garden; a very yummy meal. Kept it low sodium (which we're supposed to be doing for mom) and spent nothing. Worked for me.
I'm just now home, it is after midnight. My aunt passed out at our place this evening, just as we were cleaning up from dinner.
Quickly decided it was a 911 situation, as she fell straight backwards, and obviously hit her head. The EMT's just as quickly decided to transport her to the ER. (everyone said things like "didn't we just visit your house, didn't we just see your mom??) Even at a hospital, twins just love the attention.
A concussion and a half dozen very complicated looking tests/X-rays and exams later..........my aunt was admitted to a wing of our local hospital specializing in elder care.
My mom is doing OK through all this.....she is now in bed, figuring we are headed back to the hosp. early in the AM.
What we did accomplish through tonights.....I guess it was yesterday at this point........events: Mom is now convinced she needs to get her final wishes/will type things up to date. Seeing how quickly things have gone downhill this week, she has promised me we can take care of the will & trust bit this week. I'm going to do my best to hold her to this.
With this being a holiday, I'm pretty darned sure I can't make any headway getting my moms follow up DR appointments made for her emergency room visit this week. She needs 2 of them, and I haven't heard back from the referral desk yet.
I did get in touch with my aunts Dtr in law this evening, and to my surprise, she and my cousin (my aunts only child) won't be coming up her tonight. DIL will call me in the AM to see how things are she said. Gads. Can't imagine. I am not going to let my aunt take off from here in her own car........and drive the almost 3 hours to her house when she is released. She lives alone, with no family any closer than we are to her. She didn't even give the hospital her sons number as an emergency contact, but gave our number.
Needless to say, our weekend of R & R for my aunt has gone amuck. Hoping I can keep my mom on an even keel through all this.........and again, I thought of how impossible it would be if I was working! Not a chance. I've almost got 2 full time positions here now.
And, through all this..........I've misplaced my cell phone for the first time. Grabbed my moms as we took off for the hospital, but so far, mine hasn't surfaced. That may solve my question re; if we still needed 2 phones!